Many people have different definitions of high emotional intelligence. I think that high emotional intelligence is a person who can be sensitive to oneself and emotions to others. He has the ability to manage his emotions and to appease others' emotions.
Unlike IQ training, we don't have a special education system to cultivate a child's emotional intelligence, so how to learn to detect and manage your emotions is often learned from interaction with people around you, and parents in this process Played a very crucial role, it can be said that for the cultivation of children's emotional intelligence, parents are the child's first teacher, and the most important teacher.
When you want to cultivate your child's emotional intelligence, remember the following "3" and "3".
The first one is to be with
To: Think of a child’s negative emotions as an opportunity to connect with children
It is difficult to let a child control their own emotions. The younger the age, the more difficult it is. Think of your child’s negative emotions as an opportunity to connect with your child and help him grow.
First, whether it is right or wrong, the first step for parents to do is to sympathize with the child. Don't worry that this will spoil the child. On the contrary, it is more likely that you will correct the child's bad behavior only if you do this step first. Regardless of adults or children, we will only open our hearts to those who can understand our feelings. When we can open our hearts, we can listen to other people's suggestions. This is true for adults, especially for children.
So the first step is to take your right and wrong temporarily and unconditionally empathize with your child.
Don't: scold or ignore them because they are emotional
Emotionality is a common feature of children's growth stages because they do not have the ability to control emotions. Because they do not have this ability, they need the support and guidance of adults.
Once I saw a child crying in public, heartbroken, and the parents were like a child who was a transparent person, no matter whether he was crying or just urging him to continue walking, there was no need to comfort the child. Some parents will become very violent in the face of emotional children. In order to calm the children, they will beat the children. Some children will stop crying because of fear, and some will cry even more.
If the parent always ignores the child's emotions, or punishes the child because of his emotionalization, he is sending a message to the child—your emotions are not important to me, or your emotions are bad.
This information will be deeply rooted in the child's heart. They either feel that their feelings are not important to you, or they think they are wrong in their emotions. This kind of thinking will follow him until adulthood.
The second one is to be with
To: Help your child to distinguish their emotions
Many times children lose their temper, not just because they are angry. Children will use anger to cover up many emotions, such as frustration, sadness, disappointment, and sometimes even he feels tired and loses his temper.
What parents need to do at this time is to help the child to express his feelings and let him understand what emotions he is actually experiencing. You can say, "I know that you are angry because you lost, and you feel very depressed." Or, "You are very angry now, I guess it is because you didn't take you to play with your disappointment."
Once children are able to understand what their true emotions are, they are more likely to control their behavior and not be obscured by extreme emotions.
Why do you want to help your child to express his emotions? Because no one is born to use words to accurately express their emotions. To express emotions in words and to express ideas in words, they need to be taught and trained.
Not to mention that children can't accurately tell their emotions, and many adults can't tell their emotions. There is a kind of person called “garbage man†who will respond to most of their emotions with anger, anger when frustrated, anger when disappointed, anger when sad, lack of guidance during growth, their emotional awareness and Expressiveness is similar to that of children.
Don't: judge the child's emotions
Sometimes what children say and do makes us feel uncomfortable, and the emotions that children have also make adults feel inexplicable.
But whether you can understand it or not, don't judge your child's emotions. There is no bad emotion, any kind of emotion has its effect, it is telling a person his inner true thoughts. When you label your child's emotions with "good" and "bad", they lose the opportunity to understand the real ideas behind these emotions.
The third is to do with
To: Provide children with a solution to the problem
After calming up the child, you should teach the child some ways to let him know what to do if he sees a similar situation next time.
The best way is to think of more than one solution with your child. In the process of “finding a solution to the problemâ€, the child learns not only the method, but also how to manage the self, how to get out of the emotional state, and solve the problem with rationality.
You need to let your child know that every emotion is acceptable, but not every behavior can be accepted. Parents can also use this time to teach children what behaviors are okay and which are prohibited, setting boundaries for his behavior.
When your child hits another child, maybe you can say this: I know that you are definitely angry at the time, and I will be angry if I am you. But hitting people this way is very bad. Let's think about it together. What can you do if you encounter this situation next time?
Don't: Underestimate your child's ability to learn and grow
Children are born with the ability to develop into a highly cognitive adult, but they need time to grow.
For children, the truth is not the most important. What they need is someone who can listen to what they say, can hold a pair of warm hands when they are uncomfortable, have parents who feel safe, and can open their hearts to their parents.
You seem to give up the "severe" education of your child, but in a gentle and firm way, let the child understand right and wrong, let him be more aware of his emotions, let him learn as he grows up. How to manage your emotions "reasonably".
Be a good parent!
Parents' understanding of the teachings will teach the child a kind person.
If you want your child to be a high emotional intelligence person, teach them to understand their emotions and know how to deal with them.
There are two types of parents, one is emotional elimination parents and the other is emotional guidance parents. If you can become an emotionally guided parent, your child will have a higher emotional intelligence. When he enters marriage, he is very likely to become an emotional guidance partner. His marriage will be very happy, and when he is a parent, he will become an emotional guidance parent like you, and also cultivate a high. Emotional children. This excellent tradition will become an invaluable heirloom that has been passed down from generation to generation in your family.
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